Comments on: Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone

By: DaenelT

DaenelT — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 13:23:00 +0000

Somehow, I missed your comment… My sincerest apologies.

Wendy, I’m so agreeing with you. I’ve found that moving hasn’t really changed me at my core. I am who I am. I can still go days without seeing another person accept my family. *sigh*

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 16:14:00 +0000

I’m the textbook introvert…totally shy, socially awkward, completely uncomfortable with large groups, crowds, etc. Sadly, I’ve learned that people often mistake my shyness for being cold or snobby. I’m NOT! I’m just terrible at making small talk! Unfortunately, when we moved it didn’t help…now we’re out in the country with even fewer people and everyone around us is related to each other (how do you break into kind of grouping, I’ve yet to discover!) Most days, if it wasn’t for my husband and the internet, I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to at all.

By: DaenelT

DaenelT — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 13:28:00 +0000

Oh, girl, I remember when my kids were little I was soooo lonely. I loved being home with them but I missed seeing people. I think it’s great that there are so many mommy and me groups in existence now. Although I wonder if I would have had the boldness to take advantage of them had I known about them back in the day.

By: DaenelT

DaenelT — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 13:26:00 +0000

I totally envy you. That’s how I met my best friend in high school. Except she didn’t speak English and it wasn’t til her mother pointed it out (15 minutes later) that I noticed. She and I were inseparable for the next 2 years (then we moved). Somewhere along the way, I lost that boldness.

Your entire reply just had me laughing… Love it.

By: DaenelT

DaenelT — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 12:49:00 +0000

So very true and people get caught up in their own lives and it becomes harder to start/maintain relationships. You almost have to find someone who’s in the same life stage and then commit to the friendship almost as if it were a job. And, girl, the regional differences between people ~ up north, people were so much more removed, whereas down here, people are friendlier but it’s still hard to start relationships.

By: DaenelT

DaenelT — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 12:34:00 +0000

Exactly. You hit the nail on the head with me. I have a hard time calling, I always feel like I’m imposing. Then there’s that whole fear of rejection thing. I love that you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone and you’re attending the mommy groups. I’ve heard of women who create lifelong friendships from those play groups.

By: DaenelT

DaenelT — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 12:32:00 +0000

While I was always the same age as my classmates when I returned to school, I had a lot of commitments that they didn’t have ~ children, a husband, etc. I always felt like I had nothing in common with them, so I mostly kept to myself.

I think I continued that pattern even after I joined the workforce.

Now I don’t want to be reliant on my husband for friendship because I think part of creating/maintaining a healthy relationship is having separate interests (while not growing so far apart that you become roommates, a very delicate balance).

By: Mama Violet

Mama Violet — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 02:49:00 +0000

Absolutely but I’ve always been socially ackward. I’ve been trying to break free from that this year by putting myself in new situations and environments. I go to meet up groups, have parties, and make plans with acquaintances instead of waiting for someone else to make the first move. I think I was really motivated by how isolated I felt as a new mom during the winter months.

By: K.t. Hicks

K.t. Hicks — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 02:38:00 +0000

Nope. I’m that whacked out person who will just start randomly talking to you in the bookstore. I’m on a first name basis with half the cashiers at my grocery store, and I know about the personal lives of all my baristas. (If you make me coffee, you are my Best Friend EVAH, until the coffee runs out, leastways.) I know the guy who fixes my air conditioning and I give christmas presents to the librarians. I work out with the girl who cashiers for me at the drug store.

I go to meet up groups, I meet random strangers from the internet in coffee shops and cafes. I LOVE people, I love talking, and I rarely am put off by people who don’t want to talk back (I accept that people are shy, but I sure as heck don’t understand it.) since that just gives me the opportunity to talk MORE.

I met my best friend in the whole world because I was bored, sat down next to her at the cafeteria and started running my mouth. We’ve been best friends for 22 years now.

Obnoxious? Hell yes. Annoying? Sometimes. But there aren’t many people who don’t like me, and even fewer that I dislike, once I get to know them. (Cut me off in traffic and I’ll call you names. Tell me your cat’s name is Mayhem and you’re speeding because he has to have emergency surgery and I’ll drive you to the vets’ myself and hold your hand the whole time you’re there.)

By: Chela Brito

Chela Brito — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 02:28:00 +0000

I think it’s definitely harder, for a few reasons. In general, you tend to meet less people as an adult out of school, and out of that smaller pool, I often just don’t feel that “click” with anyone. Or sometimes the potential relationship requires more than I can invest (eg, I’ve had a couple falter because the person wanted to do something almost every day and got mad when I couldn’t). Another reason is that many people I meet are very focused on their family to the exclusion of all else. I have no problem with kids, but I don’t have any, so sometimes it’s hard to make plans. And also, New Englanders are known to keep to themselves and I’m a NYC transplant… So there are challenges to overcome, but it’s not impossible. Good luck to you!