Unanswered Prayers

The KidsI’ve spent the last year feeling sorry for myself and being  angry as hell because I don’t have a full~time job.  Honestly, I just couldn’t move past the thought of being financially dependent on my husband and sitting at home all day long.  Before anyone jumps on me, understand this:

  1. My husband has never made me feel less than for not having full~time employment, these were feelings of my own creation
  2. My children are teenagers so I’m not tending to little people like most SAHMs

I need to work.  I like having a paycheck and I love having some place to go every day.  And being a librarian was tailor made for me ~ it appealed to my inner g33ky book lover need to solve a mystery nurturing side.

When my kids were little, I was a SAHM and I hated it.  There wasn’t the community for SAHMs that exists today.  I was so incredibly lonely.  And when I did get the chance to talk to people, they were so dismissive of the role/importance of motherhood.  I didn’t truly appreciate the opportunity that I had until today.

This morning my children started school:  Miss 17 is a senior, the twins are in 9th grade and the youngest is in 8th grade.  From this point on, my time with my babies is limited.  When they were younger, I knew I had at least 18 years.  Now…  Oh man…  I’ve already started shedding tears.

Looking back on this past year has been a blessing in disguise.  I’ve had a year to spend with my kids, talking to them and loving them, making memories that will, hopefully, carry them into adulthood.  My husband likes to point out the blessings in the disappointments that I simply can’t see but sitting here tonight, filling out permission slips and health forms, the only thing I can say is “I thank God for unanswered prayers.”

  • Raven

    It is so true. My oldest is going to be16. I realize how important is to spend more family time before they enter adulthood. They may roll their eyes sometimes. In the long run they get to have some great memories to cherish.
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    • Daenel

      Right? When they’re younger you think you have forever and then one day it’s like OMG, they’re growing up. It’s hard but you make memories and prepare for the next stage of life.

  • At present, I don’t have any kids, but my mom was a stay at home mom. When I was younger, sometimes I wished she would go to work and/or have something else to keep track of then us kids… but now looking back I’m so glad I had that “extra” time with her…

    • Daenel

      Allison, my mom was the same way. I used to call her “Mrs. Boyd” so no one would know she was my mom (I look just like her), now it’s the family joke especially since I call her every day. LOL

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  • I applaud SAHM’s. I recognize what it entails and It’s not something I desire to do/be. Once my son is older, I can see how some connected “teenage time” would be great. I’m happy that you’re able now to reflect on what a good bonding experience the last year has been for you and the your children. Funny how hindsight works, huh?
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    • Daenel

      Being a SAHM is hard work and, like you said, not something I really aspired to do/be. A series of circumstances that were beyond my control put me in the position 13 years ago and again last year. Hindsight being 20/20, I do appreciate the time I had with my kids but now it’s time for Momma to get back to working outside the home. LOL

  • Daenel

    Mimi, I read your post and I don’t know how you did it. I honestly appreciate your words of encouragement because this is probably the hardest thing I will ever do…until the twins and then the baby leave the nest. LOL

  • Wow I so relate! My 3 within 3 years triplets seemed to leave home all at once. I thought I had planned. Went back to school, got a gr8 job … promptly downsized and unemployed just as the youngest was joining the Navy and going off to war. After 4 years of finding my way, feeling like a non-contributor in too many senses of the word … I’m finally finding my groove again. It’s not easy … but coffee helps 🙂 Thanks for sharing.
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    • Daenel

      Great coffee can fix just about anything! Congrats on surviving triplets. Whew! I wish you all the best in getting your groove back. 🙂

  • I could realize that the coming time will be a very tough time for you. I know it is a tough job to stay away from the dearest ones but we have to cope up with the situation. Life can’t stop for anything and hence let the prayer remain unanswered.

  • Lisa MB

    Funny that I have spent the last year feeling the same way. My only started college last week and I had 2 great years as a solopreneur while she finished her education at home.

    But when I stopped making money, I was lost. Hubby never made me feel guilty or anything and I was surprised how uncomfortable I was being totally dependent. But I look back over the last year with no distractions, just me and the spawn, and see that it was all perfect.

    Thanks, D!
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    • Daenel

      Lisa, I’m so glad it’s not just me. I just never thought that I would go back to being dependent on my husband again. It’s tough. And how you managed after your “spawn” (LOL) went away… Girl, the only thing that helps is that I do have the kids to focus on (when they’re home).

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