I’ve been trying to figure out why I’ve been so bleh for the last few days and it just occurred to me that it was a year ago this week that I walked away from everything that meant something to me. Well, maybe not everything, but at least everything when it came to my career. I resigned from my position as a reference librarian and university archivist to follow my husband to a new job and, due to circumstances beyond our control, the new position didn’t happen and I was left unemployed.
I thought by now that I’d have a job, maybe not doing what I was doing before but I thought I’d be doing something. But here I sit, a year later, and I’m still unemployed. I’ve tried to blame the economy, the job market in this area, etc but now I have to think the problem is me. It’s hard not to look around and say OK, what the heck is wrong with me? And, quite honestly, it’s embarrassing to admit that I’m unemployed. I have a Master’s Degree in History and Library Science and I can’t get a job. What the heck?
To say my self~esteem has dipped lower than economy, would be an understatement. A friend of mine, who I want to believe was trying to be helpful and supportive, said that I should stop being a snob and accept any job that comes my way. Once I got past the stinging comment, I tried to explain that it isn’t a matter of me being an occupational snob, it’s a matter of me being in a catch 22. Let’s see, I could lie about my education and then during the background check get found out and not get the job or I can put my degrees on the application and get rejected because I’m overqualified. So what do I do?
I keep on smiling while inside a piece of me crumbles inside.