I was never a Seinfeld fan until it went off the air and I started watching it in syndication. I just didn’t get it, a show about nothing? Not funny. I was wrong, it is. But I digress. Do you remember the episode where George says if you look angry people will think you’re busy and leave you alone? Well, I used to do that so people wouldn’t talk to me. Or I’d make phone calls just to avoid saying “hi”. Not because I’m rude or anti~social but because small talk unnerves me.
Kid you not. I know, I teach classes. I work as a librarian. I write a blog. I live a lot of my life online. But one~on~one conversations? I get totally tongue tied. I over analyze the entire evening. I replay conversations to death and think of all the witty things I should have said. I’m desperately trying to stop this annoying habit…
One of the cool things about moving to a place where no one knows you is that you get a chance to reinvent yourself. You get to make yourself better. Or different. You get to fix the things you don’t like about yourself without the people who know you bringing up your past. Moving is freedom.
For fifteen years, I lived in this bubble. A bubble of my own creating, but a bubble nevertheless. My bubble consisted of my husband, my children and my job. Every few years, someone would work their way into my life and then they’d disappear (either by them moving, my inability to invest in the relationship or just the natural course of a friendship ending). My bubble was very insular. Very lonely.
So when we moved here, I knew I wanted things to be different. I told the hubs that I wanted to make friends. Not just “friends” that I see on special occasions or at work, but friends I could call up and say “Hey, wanna meet for coffee?” You know what I mean? Honestly, I haven’t shifted that far out of my comfort zone, I’m not at the point where I can call people, but I am being more receptive to invitations and conversations. I’m relying less on the hubs for social activities and more on my own, ummmm, charm.
Do you find it harder to make friends now that you’re an adult?