Navigating through life away from the library.
Navigating through life away from the library.

Unanswered Prayers

The KidsI’ve spent the last year feeling sorry for myself and being  angry as hell because I don’t have a full~time job.  Honestly, I just couldn’t move past the thought of being financially dependent on my husband and sitting at home all day long.  Before anyone jumps on me, understand this:

  1. My husband has never made me feel less than for not having full~time employment, these were feelings of my own creation
  2. My children are teenagers so I’m not tending to little people like most SAHMs

I need to work.  I like having a paycheck and I love having some place to go every day.  And being a librarian was tailor made for me ~ it appealed to my inner g33ky book lover need to solve a mystery nurturing side.

When my kids were little, I was a SAHM and I hated it.  There wasn’t the community for SAHMs that exists today.  I was so incredibly lonely.  And when I did get the chance to talk to people, they were so dismissive of the role/importance of motherhood.  I didn’t truly appreciate the opportunity that I had until today.

This morning my children started school:  Miss 17 is a senior, the twins are in 9th grade and the youngest is in 8th grade.  From this point on, my time with my babies is limited.  When they were younger, I knew I had at least 18 years.  Now…  Oh man…  I’ve already started shedding tears.

Looking back on this past year has been a blessing in disguise.  I’ve had a year to spend with my kids, talking to them and loving them, making memories that will, hopefully, carry them into adulthood.  My husband likes to point out the blessings in the disappointments that I simply can’t see but sitting here tonight, filling out permission slips and health forms, the only thing I can say is “I thank God for unanswered prayers.”